sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
