I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
