you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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