Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
