On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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