Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
