A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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