so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
