haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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