I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
