Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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