Please, let me fuck your mom
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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