Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
