i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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