I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
