Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(479): View more from Arkansas

if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey

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(850): View more from Florida

I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.

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(631): View more from New York

You only like me because I'm a challenge

(201): View more from New Jersey

You already blew me

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(815): View more from Illinois

i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.

(1-815): View more from Illinois

you need to get laid.. and an oil change.

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(519): View more from Ontario

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM

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(503): View more from Oregon

Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.

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