I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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