I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My underwear smells like fireworks.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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