I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
