so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
