My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
