Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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