Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Floor bacon is actually really good
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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