So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
