conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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