She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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