Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize