Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
