Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
