Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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