Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
