I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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