we have pet lesbian snakes
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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