she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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