they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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