I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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