Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
