I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
