How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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