i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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