i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
