i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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