Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
