Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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