I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
