wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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