Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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