I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up under a house in Key West
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