mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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