we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
