Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize