You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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