thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
