Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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