Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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