Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
