At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
