I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
