Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
