Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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