Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
