I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
